O Most Wonderful!
by Mistress Scribbles
Summary: The Forest Of Myra contains many portals... and not just to Earth. One portal inparticular is destined to bring nothing but trouble to the Gang. Guess which one they find? Plot premise a bit of a cliche I'm afraid, but bear with me! FINALLY FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

O Most Wonderful

Nobody was there to see the young woman strip and plunge herself into the clear, cold waters of the lake. There were many men in the Realm that should probably have liked to. At only 17, the girl was extraordinarily beautiful, with long, golden hair and captivating, cool, bright eyes. Yet she carried her beauty with a calm indifference unlike most pretty girls of her young age. She knew she was good looking. And it was of no consequence to her, because it brought her no joy. Those that had dared approach her in the past had tended to do so for shallow reasons. She had rejected them all, of course. And now, there were none. Chris was always fun to flirt around, and she seemed to have formed a special sort of bond with Sean, but nobody had made a romantic advance on her since they had come by that violent accident into the Realm. It made sense, of course. They were so fly-by-night, no stranger they met ever had chance to so much as draw breath before they'd have to leave again. And she'd seen first hand how much that wrench away from a romantic entanglement with a native of the Realm could sting. She just didn't have time to be that cut up. And as for Chris or Sean, well... that would be too complicated, given her situation.

She ducked her head up from the water, wringing out her hair and sighing.

Sean... God, she wished that boy wasn't so damn shy! Perhaps if... no. That wouldn't work.

There was a small cough from the bank. Jess turned to see the Witch sitting, cross legged, on the bank, averting her eyes.

Jess smiled through her aggrivation. 'Can't a girl wash her hair in peace these days?'

The Witch nodded to herself, sympathetically.

'Just a little warning. You are nearing Myra's forest...'

'You've already warned us about that,' tutted Jess, 'and we all agreed - if it's as Chock Full of portals as you say, it has to be worth the risk. One of them has to lead home.'

Jess noticed the small frown on the Witch's face, which was consumed by a broad smile just as quickly as it had appeared. 'Very well, Young One, but remember. You have been warned.' The Witch shot her a strange glance. 'Bear in mind that you do not know your companions as well as you may think you do. Not to mention you, yourself.'

'Uh-huh.' Jess rubbed her eyes. 'Listen, could I just get dressed...?'

But the witch had gone.

Jess was used to it by now. She shook her head silently, climbing out of the lake and groping for her clothes and weapon. Pulling on a thin undershirt, she remembered that she had left her tunic to warm by the campfire. She didn't bother putting on her boots yet, but ran, shivering, towards the small orange glow in the depth of the woods.

Bella lay back, supporting the back of her head in her hands, wiggling her naked toes towards the fire. It felt good to be barefoot after all that walking... and in such uncomfortable shoes, too. Back on Earth she'd hated being forced into heels for formal occasions - it wasn't as if she wasn't tall and slim enough to pull off flats - but cast iron boots... now that was just too much. The others had given her quite a bit of space, as they often did whenever she kicked her boots off to relax. The comments were bound to start soon, which wasn't really fair. Cast iron gave the skin no way to breathe, and it appeared that they were currently tramping around a world that had yet to invent Odour Eaters. _And_ Jess had swanned off with the soap before she'd had a chance to wash. Her head still felt uncomfortable. She reached up and pulled her hair out of its usual high ponytail, tying the ribbon around her wrist and allowing her glossy dark locks to fall about her shoulders. She lay back again and watched the others. Sean was quietly poking at the fire with one hand and ruffling little Frankie's hair with the other. Chris was stretched out, all velvet skin and bulging biceps, damn him, smiling faintly at the two siblings. Bella scowled. She had her legs out! Could he not see her legs? She shifted again, crossing one leg over the another, allowing her skirt to fall slightly away from her thighs. This time, Chris looked at her, but did so with the back of his hand against his nose.

'Ecch... Bella, is that your _feet?_'

Bella frowned again, sitting up self conciously as Sean and Frankie turned from the fire to grin at her.

'Poo!' laughed the little girl as she and her brother also held their noses, 'take a bath, Bella!'

Bella arched an eyebrow at the others. 'Well, I would, if only our Bathing Beauty would finish making herself pretty...'

'My ears burnin'?'

Bella's eyes followed her pointed finger to see the damp blonde pick her way into the clearing. She allowed Jess a quick, cold smile.

''Bout time, too.' Bella held out her hands for the soap, which Jess tossed to her, eyeing the campsite as she did so.

'Where are the others?'

'Fire's running low.' Sean flashed Jess a glance before returning his attentions to the small fire. 'They went to get a bit more wood.'

Jess pulled a concerned face. 'It's getting dark. Will they be OK?'

'They didn't go far,' added Chris. He tossed Jess her tunic. 'Here. You're freezing.'

Jess held the fire warmed tunic to her cold chest for a moment. 'Thanks. But you don't...'

'They're _fine_,' interrupted Bella, flicking her hair.

'Hmm.' Jess still didn't seem convinced.

Sean stood at last, and strode over to the half dressed young woman.

'Hey. What's the matter, Jess?'

Jess looked down at the hand that Sean didn't dare place on her shoulder.

'DM turned up while I was taking my bath.'

Bella huffed. 'Really. And what did that old hag have to say for herself this time?'

'That's the thing,' shrugged Jess, 'it was nothing new. She just wanted to warn me about Myra again.'

The pale, soft spoken young man frowned. 'Really? But she never warns us about anything twice.'

Jess nodded. 'That's what I'm worried about. This Myra character must be pretty dangerous.'

Chris joined the huddle, biting down on a thumb, worriedly. 'You mean, worse than... You Know Who?'

'I really don't know,' replied Jess, 'but I'd prefer if I knew where the others are...'

There was a loud snap behind them. They all spun around to see a teenaged girl in green robes, carrying a small bundle of sticks. The snap had come not from her, but from the little unicorn by her ankles, struggling to free itself from a bush without dropping the oversized branch that it was lugging in its mouth.

'See?' smirked Bella, 'told you they were fine.'

The stick bearing girl shifted a hand up to push her glasses back up her nose, moulting twigs and dry leaves as she did.

'These were the dryest I could find,' she told them, nervously, 'I think it might've rained recently, but I might be able to magic up some...' the bespectacled girl blinked. 'Hey. What're you guys all so worried about?'

Jess shook herself out of it. 'Nothin', Presto. It's OK.'

'Huh.' Presto tossed a couple of dry twigs into the fire, still watching the others' faces with concern as she did.

Jess shivered again, and decided to put on her tunic.

'Early night tonight, guys,' she told them, pulling her long blonde hair free from the neck of her green leather tunic. She fixed the dark girl with a stare. 'And an early start tomorrow, _Arabella_. I want as much sunlight time as possible while we're in that place.'

The black haired girl fluttered her eyelashes at Jess, meeting her with a sarcastically sweet smile.

'Just guard my stuff while I'm having _my_ bath, _Jessica_. We'll talk about my wake-up call later.'

Jess didn't bother watching the brunette pick her way, barefoot, towards the lake, but turned towards the West, narrowing her amethyst eyes at the forboding darkness of the Forest of Myra. Luckily, Bella had done her usual job of distracting the others.

It was little Frankie who spoke first, once the dark girl was out of earshot.

'Why is she always such a bitch?'

'_Frankie_!' chastised Sean and Presto in unison.

'Well, she is,' huffed the little girl, skulking over to the comfort of the fire and her pet unicorn.

'There's no need to...' began Sean.

'Hey,' interrupted Chris with a warm pat on Sean's shoulder, 'if she spent her time deliberately irritating you half as bad as she does Frankie and me, you'd have much worse things to say about her...'

Jess tried her best to drown the conversation out. She stood, watching the dark, silent trees to the West, thinking about DM's words the first time they had been warned about Myra.

_Myra does collect portals, but many of these are simply reflections. She will try her best to confuse you. You may find yourselves further from home than ever before. Your heart must decide where you really belong._

And she had looked at Jess. She had definately looked straight at Jess. And then she had turned up again afterwards that other time, when they were alone, and given her that second warning.

Jess still said nothing. She shivered, and pulled her bow closer to herself, and watched the forest.

After all, isn't that what a Ranger is supposed to do?


	2. Chapter 2

O Most Wonderful!

Two

Jess picked her way delicately through the thick forest, her bow constantly clutched in her left hand so that a bolt could be drawn back at a moment's notice. A rustling in the shadowy trees to her left pricked her ears with her sharpened sense of danger. Gasping, she drew, spinning so that the glowing tip of her energy arrow pointed straight towards the centre of the noise. She narrowed her eyes at the foreboding greenery, her fingers taut against the glowing magical energy. There. Deep in the dark shadow, something moved.

'Whassup?'

The loud voice, right next to her ear, made her yelp slightly and lose control of her fingers. The magical bolt few off, out of control, into the unseen, moving shape. She followed it with her eyes, horrified, as it slammed into the bushes. There was a startled squeak, and the Jackalope fled, panicked, from its noisy breakfast. Jess' expression crumpled into a scowl of intense irritation as she turned to face the smirking Cavalier.

'Kinda jumpy, aren'tcha?' smiled Bella before Jess could breathe a word.

'Kinda,' growled Jess.

'Jess, would you just chill out?' added the brunette, 'you're making the rest of us really nervous.'

Jess sighed. 'We don't know anything about this Myra, OK, Bella? Just that it's dangerous. I need to keep my wits about me, and I can't do that with you bothering me.'

Bella arched an eyebrow and tutted. 'Only trying to be friendly.'

'Yeah, right.' Jess turned from the brunette sullenly, briefly taking a silent headcount of the others behind her. Somebody was missing. Again.

'Where's Presto this time?'

'Call of nature,' replied Bella, nonchalantly.

Jess felt her fists bunch voluntarily. 'You let her go off on her own? Without telling me?'

'She's very shy,' answered the Cavalier, 'I'm not just gonna yell out that she has to pee, poor kid...'

_One of these days, Arabella Montgomery, one of these days..._

'What if something happens to her?' snapped Jess in response, 'What if Myra gets her?'

Bella opened her mouth to reply but Jess cut her off, angrily, already storming after the young Magician's trail. 'I'll go get her. You guys just... stay put. Don't go wandering off alone. Not here.'

She stalled, frowning in worry at little Frankie's hurt expression.

'You mad at us, Jess?'

She allowed the little girl a small, soft smile.

'No, Frankie.' She moved the smile up to reassure Sean. 'I just need you guys to take care of each other in this place, OK?'

'Hey.' Chris reached out a muscular arm and squeezed Jess' shoulder. 'Don't worry about us.'

Jess nodded at her friend and smiled wider. 'I'll be back in five minutes.'

---

Leaving the others together on the path, Jess pushed into the thick undergrowth, following the trail of snapped twigs and crushed leaves that Presto had left behind. The foliage around and above her was thick, and the trail patchy, and a couple of times, Jess got a little disorientated and had to trail back a few yards. Eventually, she pushed her way through into a small clearing. The green robed Magician was a few feet up a fruit tree, clinging to the trunk, desperately trying to knock a few purple fruits from a branch that remained ever so slightly out of her reach. Jess stifled a smile. Good old Presto! Bella must have been whining about her empty stomach for the last couple of hours. Jess was just about to step forward and help Presto when the Magician dropped from the tree and turned to face her.

Jess gasped silently and stepped back, melding herself into the green undergrowth. The Magician in front of her was built like Presto, dressed like Presto, hell, even had the same thick glasses, unmanageable russet hair and bad teeth as Presto... but it wasn't her. It was a _he_. Jess watched him from her camouflaged position as he gazed up at the elusive fruit, scratching his head. It was uncanny. He even moved like Presto. Jess narrowed her eyes. Those robes were _exactly_ the same. There was a large tear on the left sleeve. Jess remembered how annoyed Presto had been with herself when she'd ripped her sleeve climbing up a crevasse two months ago. And the scorch mark on the bottom hem... Jess recalled the accident that had caused that. Ever since then, Presto had left it to somebody else to light the camp fire with sticks, and kept her magic out of it. Jess could feel herself beginning to panic. It was as if this boy was wearing Presto's clothes. Nightmare situations began to play themselves out in her head - Presto lying helpless and hurt in a ditch somewhere while this stranger, whoever he was, stripped her. Jess screwed up her mouth, trying to force the images from her mind.

_It might just be another Magician... another very clumsy Magician. You don't know that he's taken anything from Pres..._

The stranger pulled a cone of green fabric from his belt, and held it open, running his fingers over the rim and muttering a spell, pausing slightly to think up a rhyme for 'fruit picker'. The hat. He jumped back from it a little as a small monkey scampered from the hat's opening up the tree, and began to pick and eat the fruit for itself. He had Presto's hat!

A wave of red rage crackled through Jess, lighting the bolt in her fingertips as she flew, screaming, from her hiding place towards the startled boy.

---

Deep in the heart of the forest, the figure chuckled to itself, and looked from the image in one small looking glass to the other.

---

The bespectacled girl that had stolen Presto's robes and hat pushed herself against the tree, flinching back from the magical bolt that was aimed squarely at her, screaming in terror over Hank's barrage of angry questions.

'Where is he? What did you do to him? Who are you? Where is he?'

'Augh!' The girl tried to push herself further into the tree, her windowed, amber eyes flitting from Hank's face to his bow in panic. 'Somebody help me! HELP!'

Hank felt himself softening a little. She even screamed like Presto. The poor girl had to be petrified. But then he thought of how frightened his friend must have been when this interloper stole his weapon and clothes, and his glare hardened again.

'Who are you? Are you Myra?'

'I'm not... I'm...' the girl gulped. 'Where did you get that bow?'

Hank's fingers tightened around the bolt a little more. 'Oh no you don't. You've already got Presto's hat.'

The girl's face became a picture of Prestolike confusion. 'What? Whose hat?'

'Presto!' snarled Hank. 'The boy you robbed. Remember?'

'I didn't rob any boy,' gasped the girl. '_I'm_ Presto.'

Hank aimed his bow at the girl's face, causing her to scream again. 'Liar! What's your real name?'

'Ed... Edna Greene,' stuttered the girl, close to tears with terror, 'it's a terrible name, so when I started doin' magic tricks, I called myself The Amazing Presto, and it just... it kinda stuck. Please don't hurt me.'

The girl flinched further as Hank squinted at her. That was Presto's story! How did she know it? She really did look like him. In a branch above the girl, the monkey that the hat had produced decided that it didn't like the fruit it was eating, and idly hurled the half chewed food onto her head. The girl didn't dare raise her hand to brush it away, but watched Hank, miserably, as the sticky mess slid down her unkempt, dark red hair. Blinking, Hank stepped back a little, lowering his bow. The hat never backfired like that for anybody but its unfortunate owner.

'Presto?' he gasped, staring at the girl. 'What happened to you?'

Dark, strong hands slung a Bo Staff across Hank's throat suddenly, taking him by surprise, holding him prone.

'You happened to her,' growled a low male voice in his ear. 'Now I think it's about time you told us who _you_ are, and how you've gotten hold of Jess' bow.'

Hank frowned, trying to turn to face the large Black youth who still held him fast.

'This is my bow!' He struggled, fruitlessly, against the staff against his windpipe. 'Who's Jess?'

'She's our leader,' muttered the new Presto.

'A Ranger,' added the muscular lad, 'Blonde. Pretty girl. You'd have noticed her when you stole her weapon.'

'I didn't steal anything,' protested Hank, 'ask Presto! He... _She _ knows who I am.'

Presto just shook her head, confused.

Hank blinked. 'Presto? You know this guy...' he attempted to indicate to the strong youth behind him, '...but not me?'

'I never met you before in my life,' answered the Magician.

'But I know you!' protested Hank, 'You're Presto! Give or take a couple of chromosomes. I used to walk to school with you every day back home!'

'If that were true,' snarled the youth behind him, 'then we'd all remember each other. I used to do that walk too...'

A light went on in Hank's head, suddenly. The hat. The staff at his neck. The female Ranger. This was all sounding far too familiar. Maybe it wasn't just Presto who had changed.

'You'd meet Jess on the way,' he suggested, tentatively, 'and a couple of kids who lived opposite her.'

'Oh, so now you know Sean and Frankie too, huh?'

Sean and Frankie... Sean and Frankie... In the depths of his memory, Hank recalled a moment, way back in his past. Sliding a beaker of milk over the kitchen table towards a tiny Sheila. Watching his mother pour tea for a heavily pregnant Frances O'Brian.

'If it's a boy, they're gonna call him Robert,' Sheila had confided. 'If it's a girl, Daddy wants to name her after Mommy.'

'They're gonna call a baby "Mommy"?' he'd asked, and Sheila had laughed, spitting milk.

And now that he came to remember it, his own parents had always wanted to name a daughter Jessica.

'This Jess,' Hank continued as his notion began to evolve into a theory, 'did she break her ankle when she was six jumping off a table?'

'How do you know that?' asked the boy behind him.

With difficulty, Hank turned his head so that he could look at the tall, Black youth holding him fast.

'You and she used to see each other all the time at school,' added Hank with growing confidence, 'but you both thought the other was too cool to want to hang out with you until you got to be good friends with Sheil... with Sean.'

The youth frowned, equally perturbed and astounded.

'It turned out neither of you were as popular as you expected. Other students find Jess kinda preachy, and as for you, well... they're not used to Black kids. Especially not Black kids who beat them in every field.'

The boy stepped back, astonished, finally releasing Hank.

'Who _are_ you?'

Hank held one hand up in a peaceful gesture, rubbing his throat with the other.

'Let's just say, I think I might be more lost than ever. I have a feeling me and your Jess might have wandered through a portal somewhere by accident, and... swapped.'

Presto shuffled over to stand by the male Acrobat.

'Whaddaya mean, "swapped"?'

'Oh my God.'

Hank turned automatically to face the owner of the sardonic, female voice, standing at the edge of the clearing. He wished immediately that he hadn't.

Dammit, Dammit, Dammit.

He... she... shouldn't look like that! There should be chainmail in the places that there was now smooth, white skin. Steel boots should _not_ reach up to the mid-thigh, Gauntlets should _not_ be cut like long evening gloves, tunic skirts should _not_ be that short, and, most importantly of all, breastplates should definitely not be shaped like THAT. Not unless they were for a Valkyrie of sorts.

The black haired girl noted Hank's horrified expression with amusement, curling a lip cruelly and giving him the once-over.

'Since when did Jess become a _boy_?'

---

Eric found a quiet corner in the clearing from which he could watch the proceedings with a detached amusement. He had grown tired of the female Ranger resolutely ignoring him all the way back to the spot where Sheila, Bobby and Uni were waiting for them, and had since decided that if that was the way she wanted to play it, he could be just as good at ignoring _her_.

Sheila had screamed at first, of course, and even now that the story had been explained she was watching the blonde newcomer with uncomfortable, untrusting eyes. Bobby and Uni both appeared utterly astounded. Diana was probably taking Hank's sudden alteration the easiest, and had sat the blonde girl down to ask her a series of questions in the attempt to determine where exactly the portal she had accidentally stumbled through had been. The girl, apparently called Jess, could not have looked more miserable. Hank always had hated being lost and disorientated, Eric recalled, particularly in woodland. It was so... Unrangerlike. He had always taken tracking and orienteering on as his personal responsibility, even though back home he'd had no better sense of direction than the next person. And when he failed at something he took the responsibility for... well, he never spoke to anybody about it, but Eric could tell that it cut him up. And if that girl was him, then she was more lost than ever, in the most glaringly obvious way. Eric noticed from his corner that Jess wasn't making eye contact with anybody. She was throwing confused little glances at everyone, running her eyes over their newly altered bodies, then looking away, suddenly. The girls seemed to particularly intimidate her, especially Sheila. Jess would turn her head slightly, look the Redhead up and down quickly, then turn back and sigh. She never once looked at Eric. In fact, she seemed to be going to pains _not_ to look at him.

Eric was almost glad. Jess' appearance was more than a little disturbing. She was pretty. _Really_ pretty, with long, tanned legs, a slender torso and waist length, golden hair. Her outfit looked like a cross between Hank's old tunic and Sheila's dress - it was still studded leather over the shoulders, and dark green, belted fabric down to the mid thigh, but then it stopped. The female Ranger had no leggings, and her boots started just over her knees, so no matter which way she sat, the eye was drawn to a flash of pink skin on her lower thighs. Eric's comment the first time he'd seen her that Hank had turned into a girl had actually been meant as a joke. He had simply noticed the matching hair colour and outfit. But then she'd stared at him in horror, and he'd seen past the legs and the full lips, seen those bright blue eyes through the golden fringe, looked deeply into them, and Oh God, it was Hank. Dear God, those were _his_ eyes!

'Greetings, young ones...'

Jess jumped at the sight of the Dungeon Master appearing from behind a tree stump, getting onto one knee and readying her bow before her brain had chance to work out who the stranger was. Undeterred, the mystical midget stepped calmly towards her and put a friendly hand across hers, stopping a bolt from forming as he did.

'You must be Jess,' he said.

'Du... Dungeon Master?' gasped Jess, 'is that you?'

'In this world, yes.' DM treated her to an enigmatic smile. 'I imagine that your Dungeon Master has... more hair?'

Jess nodded, sadly. 'I got lost, DM. Just like you... like _she_ warned me.'

'You gotta help her, DM,' added Diana.

'You gotta help Hank, too,' piped Bobby as his unicorn bleated an agreement.

The Dungeon Master sat down next to Uni, tickling behind her ears.

'Alas, this confusion appears to be the work of Myra. And Its logic is lost on me.'

'What do you mean?' worried Presto, 'and besides, I thought this Myra was a person, not an "It".'

'Myra is many things,' explained the Dungeon Master, 'since It exists in many realities simultaneously. It lives as one being in all of the dimensions that It keeps portals, and since It exists in both this world and Jess', It is both male and female...'

'Wait just a minute.' Eric wandered over to join the others. 'You said this thing has a portal to Earth. So It must exist there too, right? Now I don't know about you guys, but I'd have remembered an All Powerful Hermaphrodite Portal Keeper if I'd ever seen one before.'

'Myra works in different ways on different worlds,' replied DM, calmly. 'I believe that the phenomena that you Earth people refer to as Kismet, Sod's Law and Deja-Vu are all down to Myra's tinkerings. It's been known to work on a bigger scale there, too. You have a place called... The Bermuda Triangle, I understand. That's Its main playground. It may even have been Myra who brought the six of you to me in the first place...'

'What?' chorused the kids.

Eric and Jess spoke over each other.

'I thought that was you...'

'But we've been in the Realm for months! I can't stay stuck in the wrong Realm that long again!'

'So Myra's a Baddie, huh?' asked Diana.

The Dungeon Master sighed. 'As I said, It is many things at the same time. Sometimes It does things simply to amuse Itself, sometimes Its actions are for a greater purpose. And sometimes that purpose is good, sometimes evil.'

'Maybe...' muttered Jess, 'maybe if we find Myra, we might be able to persuade It to swap me back with your Ranger, and send us all back home. I mean, It has to be interested in us at least. Otherwise it wouldn't be playing with us like this.'

The Dungeon Master nodded. That may be the best idea, Ranger. Although I am afraid that Myra hides Itself even from me. I can give you no guidance on this matter.'

'Helpful as ever...' tutted Eric

'I have another warning, however...' continued the Dungeon Master.

'_Another_ one?' sighed Presto. 'I mean, how could this situation possibly get any worse?'

DM stood up, dusting moss from his robe. 'It appears that Venger has shown some interest in your excursion to the Forest of Myra...'

An audible groan went up from all the kids, Jess included, at the mention of their Arch Nemesis' name.

'Aw, not Venger too!' whined Bobby.

Eric buried his face in his hands in irritation. 'You mean we gotta face a Transvestite _and_ a Hermaphrodite to get Hank's Sex Change reversed...? Ye Gods, is my analyst ever gonna hear about this one...'

'I understand,' continued DM once their complaints had died down, 'that he and Myra have certain scores to settle with each other as it is...'

'Huh...?' whispered Jess, incredulously, as The old man wandered behind a large rock.

'Well, this should be a blast,' groaned Diana. 'Literally.'

'Did you say "he", DM?' Jess cried out to the spot where DM had, seconds ago, been standing. '"He"? "He"?'

'See?' grinned Eric, delighted at his own joke, 'Jess is laughing already!'

Nobody else laughed, and the distress on Jess' face as she turned from the now deserted rock to look at the others in horror even made Eric's expression fall.

'What is it?'

---

Hank met Bella's eyes for the first time since they'd clocked one another in the forest. It still wasn't right. None of it was right, not Bobby and Presto as girls, certainly not Diana and Sheila as young men, and definitely not this long legged, Valkyrie breastplated slender brunette with Eric's eyes. But worse than that, worse than everything, was the mental image that was now lodged in his brain.

'Tell me,' he pleaded, 'tell me Venger isn't a... a _She_.'


	3. Chapter 3

O Most Wonderful

Three

Bella burst into peals of mocking laughter.

'Well of course she's a She, ya big lug. What else would she be?'

Hank scowled, in spite of himself.

'She's not usually, that's all.'

'So, what?' piped Presto from the back of the group, '_Everybody_ in your world's the opposite sex?'

'Guess so.' Hank walked back to the centre of the group, blanking Bella, and then found that there was nobody there that he felt particularly comfortable in addressing directly. 'And, as little as I enjoy bumping into Venger at the best of times, I really don't want to meet a… a female one.' He pulled a face at the thought.

'Don't worry, Blondie.' Bella sat back down in her distant corner. 'We'll keep you safe from the Big Bad Girl.'

'We have to find Myra,' added Sean, quietly.

Hank looked round in the direction of the soft voice, and then had to look away again. It was the first time the red haired young man had spoken in a long time, and Hank could tell from his expression that Sean liked him being in Jess' place about as much as Hank did. There was a connection there with Sheila, an attraction, even. And since the only difference in this new world was gender, Hank had to assume that the same chemistry existed between Sean and Jess. Except… it wasn't just that. Sean _was_ Sheila. He had her eyes, her face. His soft voice was deeper, but he came out with her turns of phrase. He cared for the little Barbarian and the Unicorn the same way Sheila did. His costume was, of course, different. Instead of the pink dress he wore a lilac shirt with brown breeches and boots to midway up his calf, but he was short and slim like his female counterpart, with the cape on and his back turned, it could be hard to tell the difference.

The male Acrobat Chris, on the other hand, towered over them all, including Hank. The Black youth's costume was much closer to Diana's than Sean's was to Sheila's, with little altered except the replacement of her halter neck top with a large, bejewelled brass plate over his shoulders and pectoral muscles. Still, Hank had found himself starting to warm towards Chris surprisingly fast, and it struck him how easy his relationship with Diana had always been, as well as how much he missed having close male friends his own age. Presto's outfit was exactly the same, as was her build, her appearance, her expressions; even her name… there was hardly anything to the casual observer save a slightly higher voice and longer haircut to tell this Magician from the other. Frankie, too, looked an awful lot like Bobby, with the same freckles and rough-and-tumble appearance. She had been clothed, by whomever it was that dressed them on coming to the Realm, in a knee length leather pinafore dress, and Bobby's boots and hat. Uni was almost exactly the same, merely slightly bigger and darker coated. But then there were those looks in their eyes – alien looks. The little girl and her Unicorn kept glaring at Hank with fear and distrust – expressions that he was unused to receiving from them. He imagined that the little ones must miss their own Ranger. He sighed. He missed his gang too. His thoughts turned automatically to Sheila, only the fair young woman in his mind's eye began to morph involuntarily into Sean. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to force the vision into returning to a female shape. It did, but became taller, darker, prouder… _shinier_… a high black ponytail and a rounded breastplate and legs and legs and legs from here to…

He pinched at his nose harder, growling a little to himself.

_Get out of my head, Dammit!_

'Yes,' he sighed, shaking the image from his brain, 'Sean's right. And the sooner, the better.'

'There's only one problem with that, Blondie.'

Hank frowned again at Bella's voice behind him. He knew it. He just knew she was going to say what everybody else was already thinking.

'Where in the Hell do we even start looking?'

---

'Um… whassname… Jess… slow down, would you?'

The female Ranger stopped for the eighth time, clenching her fists. She turned around, slowly, counting silently to ten.

'What is it this time?'

Bobby slowed as he caught up with her.

'Whaddaya think?'

The Blonde scowled as she doubled back to the steep verge she had just climbed, muttering to herself.

'Montgomery…'

Pushing past the others, she caught a nearby branch to steady her and held an open hand out to the young man still struggling up the verge.

'Here.'

Eric flashed her the briefest look.

'I'm OK.'

'No, you're not,' snapped Jess, 'you're too slow. Take my hand.'

Eric looked at her again, then gave her a grudging smile and let her help pull him up.

'Thanks, Blondie.'

---

Hank hauled Bella up with a deliberate roughness.

'And stop calling me Blondie.' He tried to ignore her pursed-lipped expression of coquettish innocence. 'My name is Hank. It's perfectly easy to remember, but if you can't manage that I will happily spend the hopefully short amount of time I have to spend in this dimension responding to "Ranger," "Man With Bow" or "Hey, You", but definitely not Blondie.'

Bella tossed her hair.

'What's up with you, Blondie?'

'What's up with _me_?' Hank, aware that the others were now staring, tried to concentrate on Bella's eyes, tried to see her as Eric. 'What the matter with _you_, Er… Bella?'

'Me?' Bella fluttered her eyelashes.

'Yes, you,' seethed Hank. 'I mean, look at yourself. You're just flicking straight into flirt mode, the way you do every time you're around a member of the opposite sex.'

'How dare y…'

'Oh come on! Don't play innocent with me. I know you, remember.'

Bella gasped, wide eyed. 'Are you suggesting that I'm…'

'I know what you're like,' hissed Hank, cutting her off again, 'and I know that you can't help yourself acting like this around girl… around guys, even though you are never, ever able to pull it off. Now would please, please stop it.'

'I'm not doing anything!'

'You're embarrassing us both,' seethed Hank, 'so stop flicking your hair and batting your eyelashes, Erica, or Bella, or whatever your name is, stop calling me Blondie and just. Back. Off.'

The brunette narrowed her eyes in fury, opening and closing her mouth for a moment, searching for a comeback. Hank was just about to turn from her, the little victory won, when the impossible happened. Her bottom lip began to wobble.

_Uh-oh. I hope that isn't what I think it is… I don't think I can deal with…_

He watched in silent horror as Bella's face reddened and her eyes filled with water.

_Please, don't cr…_

Bella suddenly let out a loud, miserable wail, turning on her heels and storming off into a thicket with noisy tears.

Hank buried his face in his hands, attempting to regulate his own angry breathing. Nobody else was stopping the female Cavalier from marching off on her own. Neither was anybody approaching him. Two hours. That's how long he'd been in this new Realm, and already he'd made a girl cry. He'd never said anything to make a girl cry, ever before. And he'd certainly never got that sort of reaction out of Eric before, either. But then, he'd never turned on Eric so nastily. There was something about Bella that was bringing out the worst in him. And he wasn't entirely sure that it was the new Cavalier's fault.

'Hey,' he cried out to the rapidly diminishing red cape, 'I'm sorry, OK?'

'No you're not,' sobbed the girl from the undergrowth, 'you're just a big jerk.'

'Listen, Bella…' Hank started, stepping towards the brunette.

She spun around to face him, angrily. 'Leave me alone! If you know me so well, you should know me well enough to let me damn well alone. And why the _Hell_ would I be flirting with you? You're Jess. Or at least you're supposed to be. 'Cause Jess is a nice person, and you're a… you're just a hateful, hurtful Bastard.' She turned back into the undergrowth, wiping a tear from the end of her sharp nose. 'Sooner you go back to where you came from, the better…'

'Bella, don't…'

Chris put a hand on Hank's shoulder, stopping him from stepping any closer towards the Cavalier.

'Hey. Don't worry about her, Hank. She'll be OK. She does this kinda thing all the time.'

Hank sighed. 'Really? She must get all Eric's tears, then. He does that kinda thing none of the time.'

Chris looked unconvinced. 'He never pulls any dumb tricks to get attention?'

'Only every second God gives him.'

Hank was relieved to see Chris break into a grin, and hear the others chuckle to themselves.

'Well, there you go.' Chris patted Hank on the back. 'They must just have different ways of dealing with Being Bella.'

Hank returned Chris' smile, gratefully. 'Well, I guess we may as well take a break while we wait for Her Ladyship.

---

Jess sat against the tree with an audible sigh, pushing the few remaining tears of frustration away with the back of her hand. She had never argued so badly, so _personally_ with Bella as she just had with Eric. She had never known Bella to be so spiteful to her, but worst of all, she had never known herself to be so unkind to one of her gang either. And Eric had noticed, and when he had span around to tell her so before storming off into the cover of the thicket, God help her, she had crumbled.

Diana sat next to her, and took her hand.

'You all right?'

Jess nodded, smiling falsely.

'I will be.' She squeezed Diana's hand. 'I hate this place, Diana. I can't get my bearings at all. Please understand. That's why I'm being such a… a…'

'Hey.' Diana's tone was suddenly sharp, making Jess look up into the familiar eyes of her altered friend. 'I hope you didn't pay one bit of notice to what that stuck-up jerk said. He just wanted to get your attention. You are _not_ being a Bitch.'

Jess frowned to herself for a moment before speaking.

'How do you put up with it, Diana?'

'What?' Diana's face lit up with mocking merriment. 'With the subtle charms of the Eric Montgomery School of Seduction? It's something that any human being with boobies has to get used to, I'm afraid. You either learn to tolerate it or end up going completely mad.'

Jess smiled a little. 'I might go for the second option.'

'Good choice,' murmured Diana. 'That way you don't fall into his little traps.'

'Traps?'

Diana smiled to herself. 'He tricks you. You start playing along, and before you know it, you're having fun. Next thing you know, you actually start missing it every time he has a quiet day…'

'Never gonna happen,' laughed Jess. 'I _live_ for my Cavalier's Off Days.'

'So does Hank,' replied Diana. 'So did I, once upon a time…'

---

Unseen, Eric slid into the thicket again, pressing his back against one of the larger trees and cursing to himself.

_Fantastic. Now she's swapping notes with Diana._

He couldn't go back yet. Not while they were talking. He'd heard his name. He was sure he had, and while normally he'd have been delighted to believe that two pretty girls were discussing him, this was far from an ideal situation.

He had made her cry. He hated that. He hated himself for doing it. She had been right. He couldn't help himself. He didn't know why he did it with girls – either picking on them or going overboard trying to impress them, or some weird combination of the two, until the poor girl didn't know whether she was coming or going and usually ended up hitting him, blanking him or bursting into frustrated tears. But, he told himself, pressing his lips tightly together; he hated her for doing it, too. Because she was Hank, and you shouldn't be able to make Hank cry by calling him a stupid name. And Hank wouldn't have snapped like that in the first place, either. And Hank didn't smell like grass and flowers.

He sighed in irritation, pressing the back of his head harder against the tree. He had to go back soon. And the sooner they got going, the sooner they could find Myra. And the sooner that happened, the sooner Jess would just go away.

---

The lonely figure flitted its eyes between the looking glasses, watching the same scenario play itself out in both.

There was a laugh as the armoured one in the images stalked like a sullen housecat back towards the verge where the others were waiting for it, while the fair one made its best attempt to ignore it without appearing to. The images shrank, suddenly, and the looking glasses were filled with a much wider spectrum. The forest as a whole, and a vast expanse of sky. Something was coming. Something dark and deadly. Something fun.

The voice in the heart of the forest was like a million people – male and female, young and old – whispering at once.

'Oh good.'


	4. Chapter 4

O Most Wonderful!

Four

Hank strode swiftly through the forest. Seven times he'd met the others back at the same clearing where Hank had first encountered the female Magician; and seven times he'd had to admit that they had seen nothing that looked even remotely like a portal. Of course, he knew that it was never going to be as simple as that. He had not seen the portal that he had walked straight through, hadn't even noticed that he'd passed through it until it was far too late. It was like looking for an invisible needle in a haystack. An invisible haystack. That was full of hay that felt exactly like needles. Frankly, all he could think to do was to walk around the thicket where he had switched Realms before in the hope that he'd accidentally stumble through into the right one again. This, however, was blatantly not working, and he worried that some of the others might pass through the portal themselves while off 'helping' him find it. He had told them to stay put in the clearing, but he knew all too well that they wouldn't.

Almost in confirmation of his suspicions, he heard an Already Too Familiar voice close behind him.

'Hey! Hey, you!'

Hank didn't turn.

'Why aren't you with the others?'

'Because I'm sick waiting around for you and sick of you treating us like we're not a part of your Gang.' Bella caught up with him, but kept her distance. 'The world doesn't revolve around you, you know.'

Hank still didn't turn to look at her.

'Oh yes. I forgot. It's _you_ that it revolves around, isn't it?'

'I've got something you can revolve around.'

Hank bit his lip and tried to ignore her, but she kept talking.

'Look, it's been five hours. It's almost dark. It's not working.'

Hank finally turned to face her. 'The portal was really close. Once I find it, I'll be back in my reality, Jess'll be back in hers, everybody will be happy and we can all start looking for Earth again…'

'Except that,' interrupted Bella, 'if there's one thing I've learned about portals in this dumb world it's that just because one's there one minute it doesn't mean it's still gonna be there the next. Face it, the only way you're getting out of here is if we find Myra.'

'And where would I even start looking?'

Bella shrugged. 'DM was hardly clear on that matter, was she? Your guess is as good as mine.' She turned, without meeting his eye. 'You aughta come back. This place'll be impossible come nightfall, not to mention dangerous. We'll all look together in the morning.'

Hank scowled into the gloom. She was right. Of course she was right. Man, he hated it when Eric was right!

'Another ten minutes,' he called over his shoulder.

Although she could barely see the Ranger through the dark forest anymore, Bella still span around on her heel to answer him.

'For the love of God, Blondie, when ya can't see your hand in front of your face, it's time to leave the treacherous undergrowth.'

Hank also turned, just about able to make out Bella's shining armour.

'OK, firstly, I'd hardly call a few bushes "treacherous", and secondly…'

But before he had the chance to berate the Cavalier for using the hated nickname yet again, she took a step back, toppled, flailing, and disappeared swiftly and noisily from view. From the fading scrabbling and screams Hank guessed that somehow Bella had managed to discover a bracken-covered chasm.

Typical.

Instinctively, he sprinted towards the spot where the brunette had been standing. There was, indeed, a well-hidden and fairly steep drop down ten feet or so to a small stream below. The bank at the other side was far flatter, and Bella was already pulling herself out of the freezing, waist deep water that had broken her tumble, cursing irritably.

A tiny, vindictive voice in the back of his mind told him to leave the sodden creature there to climb back up herself. Unfortunately for him, it only did so when he was already halfway through sliding down the cliff to her aid.

He just about managed to stay on his feet as he stumbled down the chasm, but wasn't able to stop himself from careering in the murky water at the bottom as the Cavalier had done before him. He tripped as he did, and landed face first in the stream, which was so cold that he gasped as he hit it, finding himself with a throatful of foul water. Still entirely submerged, he spluttered. It only made the situation worse. Suddenly, there were hands at his collar, and he was dragged up into the dry air, fighting for breaths and coughing up water.

Bella smiled at him, coldly as she pulled him over to the riverbank.

'Ah, the great outdoorsman, drowning in two feet of puddle water.'

Hank batted her hands away and started to drag himself onto land.

'"Thanks for saving my life, Hank." "Hey, no problem, Bella."'

'Oh,' replied Bella, sardonically, 'so _that's_ what you were doing. Saving my life. Huh.'

'Look,' shivered Hank, 'let's just get back up that bank and go back to the clearing, OK?'

The briefest moment of concern flashed over Bella's dark eyes as she gazed up at the steep chasm. 'Climb… up that?' She met Hank's gaze and the mask of confidence appeared again, as suddenly as it had slipped. 'Not a problem, Blondie.'

Hank seethed again, grabbing her wrist angrily. For some reason, Bella actually seemed shocked by his action. Scared, almost.

'For the last time, Bella,' he hissed at her widening eyes, 'stop calling me…'

'Oh God.' The Cavalier's voice was a hoarse, petrified whisper. It struck Hank that she wasn't looking at him at all. She was looking at something over his shoulder.

Still clutching her wrist, he turned.

There was a horse. Not just any horse. A very familiar, black steed. And riding it… riding it…

'Oh God.'

It only struck him as peculiar that she wasn't wearing a robe much later, when he had chance to think. In fact, at that moment, he barely noticed any of the many differences in this new Nemesis, so shocked was he at the sight in front of him.

Instead of a robe, there was armour. A black and crimson suit of burnished steel armour. The breastplate put Bella to shame. There were still huge, black wings and a horned helmet, but a long, slick mane of bluish silver hair grew from beneath the helmet and fell over her back and shoulders. He tried not to look into her eyes as she looked him up and down… Oh God, she was giving him the once-over…

Venger's lip curled in amusement as the recognition hit her.

'Ranger?' she asked in a low, ladylike voice.

Deep inside of his transfixed mind, Hank desperately urged his body to do something.

He did something.

He screamed.

---

Still screaming, Jess felt a tug at her arm. Before she knew it, she and Eric were bolting through the undergrowth, away from the robe clad Nemesis. Blindly, they fought through the thicket, scrambling deep into the forest until the light had completely gone.

Jess spotted a hollow tree trunk in the gloom and span around to a halt, half inside it, pulling the Cavalier across to join her as she did. He skidded gracelessly along the wet leaves into the trunk, then leaned his back against the bark, panting hard.

'Oh Man,' gasped Jess, 'Oh Man!'

'Why the Hell d'ya do that?'

'What?'

'Scream. Why'dya have to scream like a little girl?'

Jess hugged herself slightly. 'It's not right, Eric. That… that Venger's just Not Right! I mean… it was wearing a dress, for starters…'

'I think it's technically a robe.' Eric shot a curious glance at Jess. 'Surely your… Vendetta… would wear one, too.'

'She's still called Venger…'

'Whatever.'

'And besides, she wears armour.'

'Really? Men's armour?'

Jess nodded.

'With pants? Huh.' Eric cocked an eyebrow. 'That's pretty weird.'

Jess hugged herself closer. 'I don't like the way he was looking at me either.'

'How do you mean?'

Jess scowled. 'Back in my Realm, sometimes there were times when she'd give… she'd give people this Look. Boys, I mean. A couple of times she looked at Sean… _or_ Chris,' she corrected herself quickly, 'in a way that made me just want to slap her. And I just got That Look. Believe me, I can do without another… complication…'

Eric stared at Jess, seriously. 'You think Venger Likes you?'

Jess met his concerned gaze. Suddenly his worried expression split into a wide, mocking grin.

'Venger _Loves_ you! Aww, you're gonna be so _happy_ together.'

'Shut up.'

'Oh, oh are you gonna get married? You gonna wear white?'

'Shut up.'

'Where's the Honeymoon? The Seventh Circle of Hades or just the Sixth?'

'I can't believe you won't shut u…' Jess looked down at her hands. 'Uh-oh.'

'What?'

Jess patted her back for sign of her weapon. 'Where's my bow?'

Eric's eyes widened. He searched his own body for his beloved shield. 'Shit! Where did our weapons go?'

'I had it!' exclaimed Jess, 'I had it in my hands, I know I did…'

'Maybe we dropped them?'

Jess gave a contemptuous snort. 'As if I'd never be dumb enough to just drop my bow somewhere. Neither would you…'

Eric contemplated giving the Ranger a small, genuine smile.

'…you're far too fond of having something to cower behind,' added Jess, quickly, before he had the chance to take her statement as a compliment.

Eric thought back, while giving the Blonde an evil glare.

'We had them when we were running away from Venger,' he recalled. 'After that, it all gets… I dunno.' He blinked at Jess. 'It all goes a bit fuzzy after that.'

Jess scratched her head. 'We weren't running long… were we?'

'Not sure,' muttered Eric.

The Ranger stepped out from the hollow trunk, peering out into the dark greenery.

'Eric,' she whispered, 'where the Heck _are_ we?'

---

Bella took a furious stride out of the hollowed tree towards him.

'You tell me, Blondie. Aren't you supposed to be the Ranger?'

'Hey. You're the one who said you can't remember how we lost our weapons.'

'Never mind that now. It's how we've lost our_selves_ that's bothering me.' Bella shivered and pulled her cape around her bare shoulders. 'Can't you follow our tracks or somethin'?'

Hank looked about himself in the near black for a trail of trampled leaves or broken twigs, but saw nothing except the complicated dark lines and angles of the branches and bracken.

'I… I don't think I can…'

Bella threw her arms up into the air. 'Oh, Terrific. Terr_if_ic! Nice leadership, Legolas…'

'It's _Dark!_' yelled Hank, his fists bunching, involuntarily.

'I _KNOW_ it's dark!' Bella screamed back. 'It's dark, and it's cold and it's miserable and _I_'m lost and cold and miserable… and wet! Wet and…'

'Hysterical?' prompted Hank.

'You bet your tight little buns I'm hysterical,' raged Bella. 'We're in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, with no frigging weapons! I want my goddam shield back! And, you know what?' Bella pointed an accusatory finger at Hank. 'I want my goddam Ranger back, too.'

'Good!' blurted Hank. 'Because I want my goddam Cavalier back, too. I don't know how you did it, Bella, but you actually made me miss him.'

'Feeling's mutual,' retorted Bella as she turned from him. 'God knows how he puts up with you.'

'Where are you going now?' Hank cried after the girl as she began to stalk away from him.

She glanced briefly at him, over her shoulder as she merged into the darkness. 'I'm going back.'

'You don't even know where "back" is!' he called after her.

'Neither do you,' came the retort from the black undergrowth.

Hank growled to himself, burying his forehead into his clenched knuckles. Never, ever before had he wanted to hit a girl so badly. For a second time that evening, he briefly considered leaving her to it. He could hunker down in the tree trunk until dawn then find the others, and leave her wandering. He'd have peace and quiet. And it would be boring as Hell…

He stopped himself in his train of thought. Why had he thought that? Who was he basing that judgement on – the girl he'd known less than a day or the boy he'd known half his life? And was that a… was that a _romantic_ thought? Ye Gods, did he ever want to go back to his own reality…

There was a loud scream from the bushes. One set of troublesome thoughts in Hank's mind were replaced with some entirely different ones. He launched straight into a sprint towards the thicket that Bella had flounced off into, running straight into the trio of Wolfmen that had the brunette by the arms and hair. She was lashing out at them with her boots, but they were too strong for her. Feeling naked without his bow, Hank grappled at them, trying to free the girl and dodge the strange canines' snapping jaws at the same time. A surprisingly powerful, furry right hook to his chin sent him flying, dazed, to the ground.

'Pathetic.'

The ground twirled beneath Hank, and for a moment, he believed that he had imagined the deep, familiar voice.

It was followed by an animalistic snarl. 'We got the girl, my Lord.'

'Show her to me,' continued the voice. There was a female whimper, and then a surprised 'Oh'.

Hank pulled his head up from the ground. He hadn't imagined it! He was almost relieved to see Venger standing over him, be-gowned and mercifully cleavage free. Almost. Because there was That Look in his eyes again, and Bella's wordless little cries of utter terror. Painfully, Hank began to pull himself up onto his feet.

'What the Hell is going on?' Hank asked nobody in particular.

'That is precisely,' pondered Venger aloud, 'what I should like to know.'

Venger gave a brief nod to the creatures holding Bella. They leered at one another sadistically. She yelped as the largest of them hit her, hard, on the back of the head, before she slumped into unconsciousness.

'Son of a Bitch!' Hank darted forward to catch the girl, taken aback at his own uncharacteristically harsh, if technically accurate, outburst. He managed to grab Bella before she hit the ground, but found himself stuck – surrounded by Wolfmen, caught unarmed by Venger, his arms filled with a heavily armoured young woman. He didn't look at them as they approached, but down at the pale, sodden, freezing Cavalier, apologetically. In her faint, she looked so helpless. And he was supposed to look after her. He made an attempt to cradle her, to make her warmer, more secure in his…

There was a terrible pain in the back of his head, and the world was forced over and away from him, leaving nothing but oblivion.


	5. Chapter 5

O Most Wonderful!

Five

Slowly, painfully, Jess became aware of the darkness surrounding her. Her head throbbed, and her arms ached. She tried to move, but found herself restricted. The realisation dawned that her wrists were manacled to a wall.

Something moved against her back.

No… not a wall… some sort of wooden pillar or post. And there was something manacled behind her.

Something that shifted again, irritably, tugging against its bonds, feeling the strength of the steel around its wrists, then slumped, despondently, then threw itself into a brief, violent fit, thrashing its tall, thin frame desperately if vainly against the chains, then stopped again, exhausted.

Jess waited a while for the furious breaths behind her to calm a little before she spoke.

'You OK, Eric?'

Eric sighed. 'Thought that was you, Blondie. They got you too, huh?'

'I couldn't just leave you,' replied Jess, ignoring the nickname.

There was a brief awkward pause, and then they both spoke at the same time.

'Sorry I couldn't protect you,' they apologised in unison.

'Yeah, but I'm the Cavalier,' added Eric. 'It's kinda my job.'

'I'm the leader,' retorted Jess, 'so it's my job, too.'

'Touche. But you didn't have your weapon.'

'Neither did you, so I guess we're even.'

They fell into a silence again, punctuated by metallic clanks as Eric fidgeted against his chains.

'Jess,' he muttered, eventually.

'Hmm?'

'Did I imagine it, or just before we got knocked out… was there a woman?'

Jess couldn't help but smile a little at the concern in the Cavalier's voice.

'A woman,' he continued, 'who looked an awful lot like…'

'You mean Venger?' teased Jess.

'That wasn't Venger.'

'In my universe it is.'

'But those creatures said they'd got her "The Boy".'

'Guess they meant you.' Jess tried to look over her shoulder at Eric. 'You _are _a boy, aren't you?'

'That's not the point,' scowled Eric. 'The point is, that when Venger… my Venger… tells a minion to "Bring him The Girl"… well…' Eric began to trail off, perturbed. 'It has Connotations…'

Jess was about to answer when their whispered conversation was disturbed by the loud crunch of a large, elderly lock being opened. Torchlight streamed through the open door, cutting through the darkness. Both captives squinted in the uncustomary light. There were three figures framed in the doorway, the middle one far taller than the two flanking it. The tall figure stepped towards them, and the flames of the torches picked up the steel plates and platinum locks of Jess' Nemesis.

'Need I ask what we're doing here?' growled the Ranger, but Venger, for once, ignored her. She stopped next to them, side-on, so that they could both turn their heads enough to see her.

'I imagine,' purred the armoured female, 'that you are already aware of what I should like you to tell me. However, in the interest of fairness, I shall make the information I desire clear to you now…'

'This hasn't got anything to do with "fairness"!' Jess spat. 'You're just toying with us!'

'Firstly,' continued Venger, 'I want to know where your weapons are. Secondly, I want to know where the others, and _their_ weapons are. And thirdly, as I'm sure you can guess…' she lashed out a pale arm, quick as a snake, catching Eric's face with a strong hand and holding his eyeline to hers, 'I want to know exactly how it is that the pair of you keep… changing yourselves, the way you have tonight.'

'What are you doing?' hissed Jess, 'keep your hands off him.'

Venger continued to ignore the Ranger, but grinned at Eric.

'What…' whispered Eric, '…what are you gonna do to us?'

'Nothing,' smiled Venger, finally letting go of the young man's chin, 'I just thought you might like to know. In case anything should… happen to you…'

The two wolfmen in the doorway exchanged leers.

'Anything that might resemble torture,' added Venger. 'You should do well to remember the information that I want.'

'You wouldn't dare…' began Jess, but trailed off when Venger reached out to the Cavalier again and picked a loose eyelash from his cheek.

Eric, shocked, could say nothing, but Jess lurched at Venger with a sudden wave of rage.

'Leave him alone, Venger!' she cried. 'It's me that you want!'

Venger blinked, and gave Jess a brief, emotionless stare, still holding the eyelash between thumb and forefinger, for the Ranger to see. Then, without a word, she turned from them both and strode towards the door.

'Leave them until morning,' she murmured to the wolfmen as she passed. 'A sleepless night should make them a little more… pliable.'

Sullenly, the wolfmen left with her, locking the door behind them and plunging the cell back into darkness.

Eric waited for the clunking of key in lock to turn to silence before he hurled himself into another rage, struggling against his manacles in the blackness.

'It's not gonna work, Eric,' sighed Jess.

'And you can shut up, too!' blurted Eric.

'What now?'

'"Keep your hands off him, Venger", "Let go of him, Venger"…'

'What's wrong with that?' Despaired Jess.

'Like I'm some sorta Damsel in Distress,' continued Eric. 'Don't you ever take an Off Day from your heroics, Van Walwyk?'

Jess just shrugged. 'I just figured you were probably right after all.'

'Right?' Eric calmed down a little. 'About what?'

'About the Connotations,' replied Jess.

'Connotations..?' Eric attempted to put a laugh into his voice to drown out the panic. 'What, with Venger? Me and… and Her?' He scoffed a little. 'That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.'

'Maybe it is,' soothed Jess, raising a small smile. 'After all, it's not like you have a track record of Trysts with Evil Tyrants of the Opposite Sex now, is it?'

Eric blinked, then slumped. 'Oh God. I'm Boned, aren't I?'

-x-

'You're not "Boned",' replied Hank.

'Yes I am,' wailed Bella. 'It's OK for you, he's only gonna torture you to death. I'm the one that's gonna end up married to an eight foot high evil transvestite, fetching his slippers and comfortable helmet after a tough day out Oppressing The Masses…'

'No you're not.'

'Of course I am! This sort of thing always happens to me!'

'Well it's not this time.'

'Why?' demanded Bella, sceptically.

Hank cleared his throat a little, and then replied, as confidently as he could, 'because I'm going to rescue you.'

Then he waited a couple of minutes for the sarcastic laughter to die down.

'You're gonna Rescue Me?' Bella sneered through her mocking hysterics. 'Blondie, what did I just say about treating me like a Damsel in Distress?'

'Damsel – definitely not,' retorted Hank, 'as for Distress… listen, if I know Venger you could be in a lot of distress pretty soon. And I'm not gonna let that happen to any member of my gang.'

'How noble,' humphed Bella, 'but do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?'

'Shoot.'

Bella craned her head around to meet Hank's eye, with difficulty. 'One – if this was all happening to the Guy version of me, would you still be so intent on saving me?'

'Thanks for the icky mental picture of that, Bella. But yes. Yes, I would.' Hank frowned to himself, unsure.

'And two,' Bella still strained to see Hank's expression, 'how exactly do you, weaponless and chained to a post in a locked, guarded cell in the middle of God Knows Where, intend to rescue me?'

'I didn't say I knew how I was going to do it yet,' replied Hank. 'I just know that I will.'

'Great. Super.' Bella turned back to her own side of the post. 'I think his Brain Cell must a' finally died.'

-x-

Hank was just closing his eyes when the door was opened and the firelight came bursting through again.

'Wha...?' he mumbled, 'it's not… what time is it?'

The Wolfmen approaching didn't answer, but grinned toothsomely at him.

'I don't know about you,' muttered Bella as a Wolfman began unlocking her manacles, 'but I get a funny feeling that it might be Torture Time.'

Freed from her bonds, Bella yelped as she was grabbed by the arms by two Wolfman guards and dragged around to the other side of the cell to face Hank, still restrained.

'What are you gonna do?' she asked her captors.

A third Wolfman answered her by punching Hank full in the face.

Hank smelled the blood before he felt the pain. He heard Bella's scream, and then there it was – the searing agony in his left cheekbone where the creature had struck and where the back of his head had been slammed back against the post. He blinked, dazed again, but there was no way those beasts were going to let him pass out this time.

A girl's voice cried out 'No!' and he was struck again, on the side of the face this time, sharp claws tearing at his skin.

'Stop!' screamed Bella from the Wolfmen's clutches. 'Stop it! I'll talk!'

'No…' mumbled Hank through the blood, but the Wolfman had already stopped hitting him and turned to the Cavalier.

'Take me to Venger,' gasped Bella. 'I'll talk. I'll do whatever he says.'

The beast that had been beating the Ranger leaned in close to Bella. 'Caving so soon?' he snarled. 'We was expecting more from you. Much more. We was looking forward to it.'

'Carry on for a while,' added the creature holding Bella's right arm. 'Lord Venger was expecting them to withstand at least an hour. He'll never know the difference.'

The first Wolfman nodded, and stalked over to the door to pick up an iron rod.

Bella struggled in grip of the monsters as the torturer brought the rod back to Hank's post.

'I'll tell him you touched me!' cried Bella.

The first Wolfman stopped in his tracks, and turned again to the Cavalier.

'He told you I was to be brought to him unharmed, didn't he?' challenged Bella. 'Trust me, I know Venger as well as you do. Well, I can tell him that you just couldn't control yourselves. He wouldn't be very happy about that, would he? I wonder what he'd do to somebody who'd…'

'He'd never believe you,' growled the Wolfman.

Bella hooked a finger over the hem of her skirt, with difficulty, and raised it up to show a nasty, deep, jagged scratch at the top of her thigh, barely clotted and surrounded with the purple-blue hue of a fresh bruise. Despite the pain in his own face, Hank winced at the wound.

'I did this when I fell through a bramble patch last night,' said Bella, 'but He doesn't know that, does he? Now, if you don't do what I say, I swear, I'm gonna…'

The first Wolfman snarled. 'What do you want?'

'Well, you could start by telling your hairy friends to get their filthy paws off me.' She shot the Wolfman at her left a brief, cold smile. 'No offence.'

'We are not going to let a captive simply walk free…' began the third Wolfman.

Before he could finish, the Cavalier drew a deep breath, and let out a long, loud scream.

'RAAAAAAAAAPE!'

The two monsters flanking her let go of her arms instantly, as though they were scorching hot.

'Thank you,' gasped Bella, and swiftly kicked a steel boot out at the smallest Wolfman's crotch.

The creature howled in anguish, folding neatly to the floor as the Cavalier, in the confusion, grabbed the first Wolfman's rod and brought it down on the second beast's head.

'What?' The first monster made a grab at Bella, but she span around quickly, sweeping the rod beneath his feet and sending him crashing to the floor. The beast's head hit the ground hard, but the girl still hit him several times before she could be sure enough of his unconsciousness to rifle through his belt for his keychain.

'Gee, Blondie,' muttered Bella as she leapt up to Hank and started trying keys for his manacles, 'is this how you usually rescue your maidens fair?'

Hank flashed her a bloodied grin. 'Who's idea was it? Who got beaten up?'

'Hey,' tutted Bella, 'I had to do all the acting…'

'You're a natural, by the way…'

'_And_ all the fighting!'

'You're good at that too,' added Hank, 'when you want to be.'

'What if it had backfired?'

'It was a Hank Plan,' beamed Hank. 'It wasn't going to backfire…' the lock of his manacles clicked. 'There we go!'

But Bella didn't answer. Bella couldn't answer. The Wolfman whose genitals she had so cruelly kicked had sprung up behind her and had a pawfull of razor sharp claws pressed against her throat.


	6. Chapter 6

Six

'OK…' Jess managed to gasp, 'OK, um, if we could all just calm down…'

'Don't you worry,' snarled the Wolfman, pulling Eric back a little, his claws still pressed against the boy's throat, 'I'm perfectly calm.'

'Hey…' Eric's voice was beginning to crack with panic. 'Didn't I say? If you don't let me go, I'm gonna tell Venger…'

'It's dark in here,' hissed the Wolfman, 'and we all look so alike. You got confused.'

'Huh?'

The Wolfman pointed at the larger of his concussed comrades on the floor. 'It was that one who assaulted you, not me.'

'…assaulted…?' squeaked Eric.

The Wolfman kneeled himself and the Cavalier down in front of the collapsed creature.

'Yes. I saw her do it before I could get to her. And that is why…' there was a flash of white claw, and then a fountain of fresh blood began to spurt from the unconscious Wolfman's ripped throat. '…I killed her,' continued the Wolfman, above the humans' shocked screams. 'To defend the honour of Lady Venger.'

'You… you killed a female?' gulped Jess from her post.

The Wolfman, or Wolfwoman, or whatever the Hell it was, gave her a sly grin.

'So you really are a pack of bitches,' muttered Eric, unwisely.

His comment was rewarded with a hard backhand to the eye that sent him reeling to the ground. The Wolfcreature sprang after him, grabbing his collar and pulling him upright.

'Who knows what else the other one did to you before I rescued you?' spat the beast.

'She didn't do anything to me!' cried Eric.

'Venger doesn't know that, though,' grinned the creature, 'does she?'

'You really think she'd believe you?' interrupted Jess.

'You really think she'd believe _you_ two?' retorted their captor.

'She knows us to be honest at the very least,' replied Jess. 'I wonder what she thinks of your kind?'

The creature looked from Cavalier to Ranger and back again, snarling.

'I suppose there's only one way to find out,' growled the beast. 'You said you'd talk to Venger.' The Wolfcreature snatched the keys from Eric's grasp and freed one of Jess' hands, manacling the other to Eric's wrist. 'So I think it's about time you did just that.'

-x-

A bucket of freezing water brought the Wolfman round into consciousness. Startled, he sat bolt upright in the gloomy tunnel, and saw the throng of his own kind surrounding it. The human couple were nowhere to be seen.

'Tell me,' said a deep, sinister voice from deep within the crowd, 'that the prisoners are still in the dungeon.'

The Wolfman coughed a little, wincing at the painful bruise around his throat that his captives had left.

'I was bringing them to you, Lord. The girl was ready to talk.'

The crowd of Wolfmen parted, and Venger stepped through to face the injured creature.

'You were escorting them?' asked Venger, calmly, 'Alone?'

The Wolfman gulped, and winced again. 'There was an incident in the dungeon. The others were killed. I did the best that I could, under the circumstances. I shackled them together,' he added, hopefully.

'Yet they still escaped.'

'They are quick creatures, Lord, and I didn't think to bind their legs' replied the Wolfman. 'One moment they were walking ahead of me, timid as mice, the next, they had turned and charged me. They wrapped the chain that bound them together around my throat until I passed out…' He clutched at his throat. 'Who would think that they could use a handicap to their advantage?'

'I would,' answered Venger, flatly. 'As should any of my servants worth keeping in my employ.'

The Wolfman began to grovel miserably. Venger ignored him and turned his head upwards to the narrow ventilation shaft that serviced the complex subterranean lair, which the Wolfmen had dug beneath the Forest of Myra. The wretched beast had been right about one thing. They _were_ fast little creatures - nimble and slippery. Give them a gap in the fence and a couple of seconds' head start and they'll escape, like rats. Binding their wrists together would slow them down, but not very much. It appeared that he had a hunt on his hands. It was important that he get to them, all of them, before Myra did.

He turned his eyes down to the prostrate Wolfman, finally.

'You are relieved of duty,' he told the creature. 'Do give your Captain my regards when you see him.'

The Wolfman looked confused. Still, Venger turned from him and began to walk away.

'My Lord?' asked the beast, 'my Captain is dead.'

Venger paused before turning the corner, but still didn't look back at the creature, or at the rest of the pack closing in on him.

'I know.'

And then there was nothing but screams.

-x-

Muddy, exhausted, cut and bruised, they ran blindly through the forest, slipping and tripping, and pulling desperately at the chain that bound them together.

'Escaping out of the ventilation system,' panted Bella as she ran, 'what a cliché!'

Hank paused briefly to hold a low hanging branch over their heads as they passed under it. 'Hey. We lost them, didn't we?'

'Yep,' sneered Bella. 'We're good at losing things, aren't we?'

It had been around half an hour since they'd overpowered the Wolfman and crawled up the narrow shaft into the dim green daylight, and, while Hank was fairly confident that they were a reasonable distance away from the lair, and had left an untraceable trail, they still had absolutely no idea where they, or the rest of the gang, or their weapons were. And now, they had the extra issue of being chained together.

'And now,' added Bella, 'we've got the extra issue of our being chained together.'

'Really?' Hank widened his eyes, innocently. 'I hadn't even thought about that.'

Bella pursed her lips at him. 'Sarcasm doesn't suit you one bit, you know.'

'Well, I can't see how. I've learned it off such a master of the subtle art of irony…'

'You're still doing it! Stop it!'

'Guess your influence is just rubbing off on me.' He frowned at her, her frazzled, red eyed exhaustion the perfect mirror to his own feelings, and held the chain up in front of her. 'And you'd better get used to it. I don't think I can get this thing off.'

'Presto'll be able to magic it open,' stated the Cavalier with ill guided confidence, 'just as soon as we find her.'

'Him,' corrected Hank.

'Her,' Bella snapped back.

'Him!'

'Her!'

'HIM!'

'HER!' Bella pointed her free finger at Hank. 'You're still in my Universe, Buster.'

'Not any more.' A little surprised at his own anger, Hank grabbed her pointed finger and pushed it away from him. 'Didn't you notice? Venger was my Venger. And none of those Wolfmen seemed at all shocked that he was a he. Now, I didn't notice when I walked through that first portal. Who's to say we didn't both go through it again without knowing?'

'But…' Bella frowned, trying to work out the maths. 'But that would put you back in the right reality, and I'd… I'd be the one in the wrong one.'

'It would explain our weapons,' added Hank, his voice beginning to calm. 'They must have been left in the portal when we passed. Maybe this Myra has them.'

'I don't wanna be in the wrong dimension!' whined Bella.

'I think the only way out of this is to find Myra,' continued Hank.

'Well,' snapped Bella, 'it's not like we haven't been looking!'

'No…' Hank agreed. 'And from what DM said, it sounds like he… she...'

'…it…'

'…they are all over this forest,' reasoned Hank, 'inhabiting lots of different versions of it at once. They must know that we're here.'

'So it's hiding?'

'Guess so,' Hank pondered. 'Maybe we're doing something wrong. Maybe they're waiting for us to do something that we haven't done yet.'

'You think somebody might be putting us through Hell just to see what happens?' mocked Bella, 'Because that sort of thing _never_ happens to us.'

Hank just shrugged.

-x-

Far away, and yet right beside, and above, and behind them, the figure sighed.

'Boring!'

Maybe they needed another nudge.

-x-

Jess' finely tuned Ranger's senses felt the faint movement under their feet first. She held her free hand up as an indication for Eric to stay quiet and still.

'What?'

'Sshhh. Do you feel that?'

'No.' Eric's voice, like Jess', was barely a whisper. 'What does it feel like?'

There was a more sudden, stronger shift. They both looked down at their feet and then up at each other in dismay.

'Something just cracked,' said Jess.

'No…'

Gingerly, Jess bent down to pick at the moss they were standing on.

'There's no grass,' she muttered. 'No grass, no soil… this is just a layer of moss.'

Eric licked his lips nervously, and then asked in a voice that expected the worst possible answer 'covering what?'

Jess straightened, and looked at him. 'Nest.'

'Dragon?'

'Most likely. It's the only nest big enough.'

'And the crack we felt would be…'

'An egg beginning to hatch.'

Eric nodded, sagely. 'Of course it is.'

The egg beneath them shook, and a large crack began to become visible in the moss.

'They eat human flesh from hatching, don't they?' added Eric.

'Most of 'em,' replied Jess, breaking into a speed walk and pulling the Cavalier along with her. 'It'll have smelled us already.'

'You reckon we can outrun it?'

Jess stopped at a large tree, gazing up the trunk. 'I don't know about that. But it won't be able to fly yet.'

She reached up to a large knot in the bark and began to pull herself up.

Eric groaned. 'We're gonna climb a tree to escape? You're yanking my chain.'

Jess yanked at his chain. 'I know I am. Hurry up and climb.'

Grudgingly, Eric followed the Ranger. 'Can't junior just burn this thing down?'

'Not one newly hatched, no.'

Beneath them there was a louder crack, and the high, catlike cry of a freshly hatched dragon.

'And what about Mommy Dragon?'

Jess reached up to a higher branch, irritably. 'Mommy Dragon could be days yet.'

'Great. So, what – we just starve to death, then?'

Jess pulled harshly on the manacles. 'For the last time, Eric, you are not gonna die…'

She pulled too hard, and Eric's grip on his branch slipped. Free arm flailing, he missed the next branch and his feet came away from the trunk.

'Augh!'

Jess automatically tightened her grasp of her branch, wrapping her legs around it. She grunted in pain as the Cavalier fell entirely away from the tree, hanging from the chain around their wrists.

'Oh God! Oh God, don't drop me!'

'I… _can't_… drop… you…' replied Jess through gritted teeth.

Helpless, Eric continued to flail with panic. 'Whadda I do?'

'Don't… don't look down…'

'Why?' Eric looked down. He was rewarded with the sight of a twenty-foot drop with a hungry looking baby dragon sitting at the end of it. 'Don't drop me, Jess!' he repeated, evidently having failed to grasp the aforementioned fact that she couldn't do so even if she wanted to.

Jess reached down her free hand. 'Take this.'

With difficulty, Eric managed to reach up and grab hold of the girl's wrist. Then, with even more difficulty, Jess took the young man's weight and began to pull him up onto the safety of her branch.

'Hey,' she grinned grimly, when they both perched, panting in the uncomfortable foliage, 'guess you _do_ know my real name after all.'

'I hate you,' gasped Eric.

'What? I just saved your life, you ungrateful…'

'Like you had a choice with this thing.' Eric shook the chain at her. 'I still hate you and your stupid tree and your stupid world.'

Jess scowled. 'The Realm is no more my world than yours, Eric.'

'I hate this stupid forest!' Eric continued, 'We're lost, we're tired, we're hurt… it's got Venger, it's got dragons, it's got some other jackass we haven't even seen messing around with us, it's like a distilled version of this whole dumb Realm, full of all of the things that I really, really hate!'

-x-

'Hey,' snapped Hank, 'do you think this has been a picnic for me, Bella? Who got beaten up?'

-x-

'We both did!' Yelled Eric, 'And now I'm up a tree with no hope of rescue, chained to you, of all people, and not just you, because it's Girl You. It's Girl You being deliberately hot just to remind me how attractive you are to the opposite sex…'

-x-

'Don't even start with the "opposite sex" stuff, Woman!' Hank knew that his voice was growing out of control, but he couldn't calm down, not this time. 'I mean, what was with all the flirting earlier, huh? I can see through it all, you know. In spite of this thing we've got here, I can see you're still you!'

-x-

'What in the Hell is that even supposed to mean, Jess? What Thing? People like you and me aren't supposed to like each other. _I_ don't like _you_, I damn well hate you! I always have!' Eric faltered a little. 'There. I've said it.'

-x-

'Well, I hate you, too,' screamed Hank, 'and it is such a relief for me to be able to say it!'

-x-

'Why? I mean, I know I can be kinda difficult, but you've got no reason to resent me the way I resent you, with your charm and your teeth and all your admirers and hair…'

-x-

'Because you always get to say what I'm thinking!' replied Hank. 'Don't you think I get that dark little bitchy voice in the back of my head sometimes? Why can't I voice it, too?'

-x-

'I guess that's the price you pay when you're just so Goddam wonderful! I mean, my God, why do you always have to be so perfect?'

-x-

'Why do _you_ always have to be so honest?'

He looked at Bella, breathless and overwhelmed for a moment. And then he grabbed her face and she grabbed his hair and they pressed their lips together and opened their mouths into a long, hard kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

O Most Wonderful

Seven

-x-

He had no weapon. It was OK.

He was covered in bruises. It was OK.

He was stuck up a tree. It was OK.

He was kissing. It was OK… It was OK…

He was all too aware, from the long, smooth hair between his fingers and the aggression with which the girl was returning his kiss, that it wasn't Sheila. But then… it wasn't as if he was _dating_ Sheila… and this felt good.

No… not good… It felt _Bad_. In a good way. It was raw and passionate and angry. The drastic, hard curves of the breastplate hurt as they pressed against his chest. The girl was clawing at his hair, pulling his head painfully into hers, biting at his lips, as though she were trying to consume him all together. It was desperate, and covetous and greedy…

It was… Oh God.

Hank opened his eyes, and all of a sudden the girl's sharp features were too familiar. Way too familiar.

_What am I doing?_

-x-

_What am I doing?_

Eric felt Jess freeze, mid kiss, and opened his eyes. Those eyes were staring at him. Those clear, bright blue eyes.

He pulled away from her, suddenly.

'Oh my God!'

Jess pressed her fingertips against her lips, her expression of horror mirroring his.

'What… what just happened?'

'I don't know… I just…' Eric pushed his free hand into his hair. 'It's not… it's not that I… y'know… I don't want to… y'know… or anything…'

_Do I? Oh God!_

'Do you suppose,' asked Jess, worriedly, 'that while we were… y'know… the others were… were doing the same?'

They both contemplated this. 'Ew.'

Jess shook herself out of it. 'So what do we do?'

'Nothing!' Eric could hear the rising panic straining his own voice. 'We do nothing. We never speak of it again. We ignore that it ever happened.'

'Well, obviously,' tutted the Blonde. 'But what do we do about the whole "weaponless and shackled up a tree above a hungry dragon" problem?'

Eric blinked down at the ground. 'Hey. It's gone.'

Jess squinted at the forest floor herself. 'Really?'

'Yeah.' Eric smiled a little. 'Little S.O.B. must've got bored and gone to look for breakfast someplace else.'

Jess frowned. Yes, the baby dragon was gone, but she didn't think that was anything worth celebrating. Not in a place like this.

'Something frightened it away.'

'Well, what just didn't happen _was_ pretty Gross…'

'Not that.' Jess pulled herself back a little along the branch, so that she was at least partially obscured by foliage. 'Something else. It must have sensed something dangerous coming.'

Eric didn't even notice the shadow falling over him until it was too late. 'Such as?'

-x-

Hank tried to pull Bella into the leaves as Venger descended gracefully upon them, blocking out their sunlight with his large, outstretched wings, but it was too little, too late. The brightly shining armour of the Brunette had already been spotted, and a little greenery was never going to hide them. Bella screamed as their nemesis lashed out a fast hand and caught her ankle. Hank looked for a moment into the terrified face of the prone Cavalier, and then to the smirk of the be-robed tyrant, pulling the girl towards him, legs first. There was that look on his face. That look he sometimes got around Sheila that made Hank want to break things.

'Oh no you don't!'

'You _will_ tell me where the others are,' snarled Venger, 'and you _will_ tell me where your weapons are.'

'No! Put her down!' Hank tugged hard against the shackles that bound him to Bella, yanking the girl back towards him.

'We don't know where they are,' Bella gasped back at Venger.

'Then at least,' Venger replied, 'I can have the satisfaction of taking two of the Dungeon Master and Myra's little toys from them.' Venger gave Bella another hard pull, dragging both her and Hank along the branch towards him.

Hank saw Venger put a hand on the white skin above Bella's boot. He pulled back in retaliation, hard.

Bella screamed out again, this time in pain. 'Hank! You're hurting me!'

'Would you have me tear the girl in two, Ranger?' Venger sneered.

That only made the images in Hanks head worse.

'Don't you touch her.'

'Hank, please!'

'…_don't you touch him…'_

'…_Jess, please…'_

Hank blinked, and frowned at the strange echo. One of those voices had been mighty familiar. Bella looked up at him in surprise as Venger relaxed his hold on her a little.

'That was Jess,' she breathed.

Hank darted a glance across to Venger. He was staring off into the forest, after the direction of the echo, his face as dark as thunder. His grasp on Bella had become so loose in his distraction that she was able to wriggle free from him.

'Myra…' muttered Venger, venomously. 'Curse you, meddlesome wretch!'

He held aloft a hand that sparked and crackled with his wicked magic. Off in the depths of the forest, something glowed. He hurled a ball of magical energy at the glow. A similar burst of magic careered towards them, smashing into the tree trunk, narrowly missing all three of them. With a furious growl, Venger took off; deftly skimming the treetops in pursuit of the attacker, leaving the teenagers perched on their branch. They watched as he clashed in the sky with another distant figure – tall, pale and winged like him, only with darkly shining armour and long, silver white hair.

'That's not Myra,' muttered Hank.

'It's Venger,' Bella added, '_my_ Venger.'

'Today's just getting weirder and weirder,' said Hank, 'isn't it?'

They paused, watching the battle begin to escalate.

'Do you think we're ever gonna find Myra?'

'Doubtful,' answered a serene third voice from the branch. 'You have to wait for Myra to find you.'

Hank and Bella stared at the third person. It had sounded like the Dungeon Master, but it looked like… it looked like everything, and nothing at the same time. It was tall and thin, that much could be ascertained. But everything else was… muddled. It seemed to be translucent, and comprised of layer after layer, each one different. It was very hard to say whether the figure was male or female. Not that it was 'androgynous' as such, it was simply that at some angles it appeared one gender, and at others, it was the opposite. Whatever it was, it appeared to be sitting on the branch, and smiling.

'And if Myra does find you,' added the figure, 'you'd better hope that you are Fun.'

Hank and Bella blinked at one another.

The figure's face split into a terrible grin. 'Congratulations. You were most amusing.' It nodded up at the fight in the sky. 'I think Venger's my favourite, though.'

'They think,' attempted Hank, 'that each other is you?'

Myra nodded. 'They know me to be powerful. They know I can play with the dimensions. That they are egotistical enough to believe that a great entity such as myself is bound to appear like them is their own lookout. Every time they come looking for me, they only find one another.' It sat back, enjoying the fight. 'I think it's very fitting, putting Venger at war with themselves. I trust that the irony is not lost on you, either.'

Hank and Bella exchanged dumbfounded glances.

'Uh-huh…'

'So…' continued Hank, gingerly, 'so the others are safe.'

'Your friends are very worried for you, ' Myra replied, 'but they are safe.'

'And the other… the other _us_?' Bella faltered a little. 'Jess, and, um…'

'Eric,' helped Hank.

'Yeah. Are they gonna be OK?'

Myra just smiled, serenely.

'They're sitting right here, aren't they?' asked Hank. 'They're sitting next to you, asking the same questions, in some other dimension or… or something…'

Myra nodded. 'Very good, Ranger.'

'Well, put us back!' Bella interrupted, with a sudden rush of aggression. 'Put us back in our own realities and give us our weapons back. And get us down from this tree!'

Hank held a calming hand up to the Cavalier. 'We don't know Myra has our weapons, Bella…' He trailed off, catching the smug glint in Myra's eye. 'Oh God, you took our weapons, didn't you?'

Myra shrugged. 'I thought it would make things more fun.'

'Fun?' It was Hank's turn to get mad. 'Us getting captured and beaten was fun? Getting shackled and chased up a tree? Bella getting attacked by those Wolfmen, and Venger? Anything could have happened to her! What if she'd been… y'know… would that have been fun?'

Myra leaned calmly in to Hank. 'You should have seen your face when she was in their clutches. So protective!'

'This was all about pushing us together, wasn't it?' Growled Hank. 'You put us through all that just to feed your own perversions…'

Myra sat back calmly. 'I merely noticed that you two had little love to lose as the same gender, but a lot to gain the other way around. Perhaps I gave you a little something to think about in the future.'

'Get real, Myra,' Bella scowled, 'you did this for kicks. Admit it.'

Myra said nothing.

'Well, if you won't admit it, would you at least put us back to normal?'

'But then what would you have gained?' Myra asked.

'A fine set of injuries and recurring nightmares to keep us awake for the next couple of months,' replied Bella.

Myra smiled, slightly. 'I will give you a choice,' it announced. 'Two portals. One – what you are asking for now.'

Myra indicated towards a space in front of it, in which opened an almost invisible portal. All that separated it from another patch of thin air was the faint reflection of the three of them, like ghosts.

'Or two –' Myra indicated to the right of the portal, and a second one opened up. This portal was all too familiar. The music, the laughter, the bright, twirling colours… the normality. The funfair.

'I can give you,' concluded Myra, 'what you came here in the first place to find.'

Hank could feel Bella tense up next to him when she saw the funfair. He could feel his own fists clench, and his mouth run dry.

'The others…' he managed.

'If you choose the Portal to your world, I'll send your friends back, too,' replied Myra, 'but you cannot go through both. It's one or the other.'

'Why?' whispered Bella, 'who says?'

Myra grinned. 'I do.'

'Why do that to us?' asked Hank.

'Because I happen to think you're better this way, if you must know.' Myra looked them both up and down. 'Lovely couple of couples. I'd sooner see the two of the two of you toddle off into the sunset together. I'm quite the romantic soul, truth be told.'

Hank averted his eyes from both Bella and the Portal home. 'We can't go home like this,' he muttered to the Brunette shackled to his side, 'that might look like your world, but it isn't. Your parents have a son. That's Eric's world, not yours.'

'You don't know that for sure,' interjected Myra. 'You may have swapped dimensions a hundred times and not known it. There are still two Vengers up there, after all.' It held a hand up to smouldering black cloud that was the Vengers' distant, raging battle. 'It may be you, Ranger, that is in the wrong dimension.'

Bella sighed. 'Lets face it, Blondie. Any dimension where you and me feel the urge to make out is gonna be the wrong dimension.'

Hank dared a glance over to Bella. She smiled a sad, resolved smile.

'I can't do this, Blondie. Not with you. Falling for you is officially A Step Too Crazy, even for me. So it doesn't matter whose world is the right one right now. I'm going home with Jess, not with you.'

Myra tutted in disappointment.

'Bella.' Hank cleared his throat. He knew that they were doing the right thing. He just wished that it didn't make him feel so bad. And the weird thing was he wasn't sure it was kissing goodbye to another portal home that he suddenly felt such a pang about.

'Bella,' he repeated.

'It's weird,' interrupted Bella, 'I think I'm gonna miss you, in a way. You're more aggressive as a guy. I kinda liked it.'

Hank shook his head. 'Not usually. You… affected me, Bella. No girl has ever made me feel quite like that before.'

The Brunette twisted her face. 'Is that a good thing?'

'Let's just put it this way,' grinned Hank, 'you are gonna make some guy very angry, very horny and very happy one of these days. And in that order. But I'm not that guy. I don't think I have the energy to be that guy.' He watched as she gazed down at her knees. 'I think,' he continued, 'you need someone bigger. Stronger. Mouthier. Somebody, perhaps, with toned, shining leg muscles and a taste in clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination.'

'…Skin like chocolate coloured velvet….' Muttered Bella. '…Moves like a Panther through the jungle… yeah…'

Hank bit down a smile. 'Gimme my Cavalier back, Myra. And our weapons. I guess we'll have to find our way home without your so-called "Help".'

Myra sighed as the clear portal drifted down to engulf Bella. 'Honestly, young people are no fun at all these days…'

-x-

Jess blinked at the Cavalier shackled to her wrist. Arabella Montgomery met her gaze with a small, embarrassed smile, and handed the Ranger her bow, which, like the shield, was suddenly in her hands. Jess accepted the weapon, smiling back equally awkwardly. Sure, it was a relief to see the old Cavalier back in her usual, non-threatening form, but there were still certain… issues. She wondered if her Bella and the male Ranger had suffered a similar lapse in concentration to her and Eric.

She was only slightly distracted from her difficult situation by the flaming branch that went flying over her head. Looking up, she could see that several hundred square feet of treetops beneath the battling Vengers was now aflame.

'Um…' muttered Bella in the general direction of Myra, 'I think they might be setting your forest on fire.'

'I know.' With swift, fluid agility, Myra stood up on the branch, craning its neck up to watch the fight. 'I suppose I should separate them before they do any real damage, really.' It looked down at the youngsters. 'You had better go if you want to avoid her. It is quite safe. Your friends are closer than you think. You should be gone from this whole forest within the hour if you hurry.'

'Uh-huh.' Bella lifted her shackled arm, glaring up at Myra with an arched eyebrow. 'And what are we gonna do about this?'

'I'm sure you'll think of something,' replied Myra, with disinterest.

'Let's go, Bella,' sighed Jess. 'I think we've already got all the help we're gonna get out of Myra.'

The Cavalier just flicked her hair a little at Myra and began, with difficulty, to clamber down the tree trunk with Jess.

Once on the ground, they picked their way into the relative safety of the undergrowth. It took surprisingly little time for Jess to find their trail from the previous night and they followed it swiftly. Still, Jess couldn't help but sneak brief, worried glances at the Brunette behind her as she led the way.

Bella frowned. 'What?'

'Is, um…' Jess nodded discretely at a dark mark on the Cavalier's throat. 'It that a Hickey?' Her eyes widened at Bella's guilty expression. 'Ah, Jeez, you too?'

'Whaddaya mean, "you too"?' Bella looked aghast. 'You made out with him? With _me_? Jessica Van Walwyck, how very dare you!'

'It wasn't like that… it was different…'

Bella's lip curled, cruelly. 'You said I affected you in a way no other girl could, didn't you?'

'"Guy", Bella. You were a guy. I said "Guy". Besides…' It was Jess' turn to smile smugly. '_You_ said you were falling for me.'

Bella flushed. 'No I didn't!'

Jess turned back to the trail. 'Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone. But while we're still alone, just for the record, you're not too bad a kisser.'

The vegetation was thinning out already, and Jess could hear a faint explosion ahead of her that could only be Presto failing to Magic up something useful.

-x-

Hank held a branch up for Eric to pass under, and their voices faded in the forest as they walked out into the clearing.

'You too, Blondie.'

'Don't ever call me that.'

-x-

The End.


End file.
